Let me tell you the truth... I am so sheltered from what goes on everyday. I feel like I'm as far away from the war as I can be while actually being in Afghanistan. People die everyday in the ER, the OR, and the ICU. Back on the ward, we have all the stable, talking patients. By the time they get to us, their wounds are in nice clean dressings. Death is so close to me everyday, but I never see it. I don't see the kid's chest opened or the boots taken off what meat was left on his feet. I just hear stories day after day, not understanding why I'm never a part of the story. I'm sure you all think I'm crazy, that I should be grateful for being so shielded from the horror others see everyday, but I'm not. I wan't to experience it, I want to grieve, I want to share the burden, I want to see the whole picture.
I'm also frustrated because all the things that people around me are overly concerned with, it all seems so petty. I don't give a shit who's way is "better", just pick a way and do it, stop arguing. I don't care if you have the difficult patient today, suck it up. Stop coming to me and telling me how my American colleagues are documenting incorrectly, go freaking tell them yourself. Unfortunately, the little stupid stuff only goes away when people are actually busy. It sucks that I'm wishing we were busier.
Not being busy enough is the bane of all work environments. When it comes to war, though, you are never too busy, but you might be a little over-staffed!
ReplyDeleteYou're an adrenaline junkie! I knew it!
ReplyDeleteI think that the truth is that you are stuck where you are. So, like you say, suck it up and stop complaining. Your second post seems to get at the good of your situation. You are not in a position to heal the immediate physical devastation like you may yearn to, but there is still plenty to do. Aside from dressing wounds, you are there to experience the real mental trauma of near death experiences. I would focus on that. Making a person laugh or smile can go thousands of miles, and take them back to an old time. Think Patch Addams. Bring in music. Break the rules for your patients. Make them feel as though someone in this ungodly war loves and cares about them. You are the guardian angel that guides them back towards the real world. Cherish your duties. Do not envy. You are so strong sister. And I love you so much. Go get em.
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