Happy Thanksgiving!

We treated the British to an American Thanksgiving.

Six families

Six soldiers came into the ER after hitting an IED. They were all here with concussions, just for observation. Running over an IED used to mean guaranteed death, now they're just getting knocked out. Our vehicles are getting smarter and stronger. Kick ass America!

32 families

Thirty nine locals were bringing us food. The T stopped them. Thirty two were killed execution style. The seven that survived played dead, even hid under the other bodies. We took care of five of the seven that survived. This emotion I feel.. its a an emotion I've not felt before, a depth I rarely reach... ANGER, sadness, shock. How could a human being point a gun an shoot THIRTY TWO people, your own people? Absolutely abominable. If someone complains that we don't have bread, I might lose it.

Such a shocking day hardly left room for the excitement of personally meeting the Secretary of Defense of Denmark.

Thanksgiving

I watched four ambulances take away bodies of the soldiers we couldn't save. I'm thankful for all the soldiers we were able to save.

I'm thankful for a supportive family, partner, and friends.
I'm thankful for this opportunity to see another part of the world, to be able to help in a small way.
I'm thankful that I have functioning arms, legs and a functioning brain.
I'm thankful that I have three filling meals a day, and somewhere to go if I get sick.
Lastly, I am thankful for God, for all he has provided me, physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I am who I am with him, and I have what I have because of him. I'm thankful that Jesus made it possible for me to have eternal life and relationship with my Creator.

Official Combat Veteran!

Pieces

I listened to someone telling him that his buddy didn't make it. I looked at the the second's face, flat affect, after having watched three of his buddies blown up right in front of his own eyes, one of them now dead. You could see him replaying the movie over and over in his head trying to make sense of it. I sat on the bed of the third, watching him shuffle cards over and over again and taught him a game my mom taught me when I was little. He liked it.

a better day

I’m sorry about venting in my last blog. I really do know the value of my job, and those priceless moments with patients… I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I work with a group of competent nurses and I’m grateful for the team I have, I really can’t complain. We discharged a ward favorite today, a three year old boy that we’ve been taking care of for awhile. I almost kidnapped him.
I made a decision to be positive today no matter what, and I had the best day I've had in awhile. I made people laugh and smile, and I even caused myself to laugh and smile.

I had a funny nurse moment today. I told my patient that I was going to change the dressing on his rectal area wound before he was discharged. I didn’t have any of my supplies with me, but he pulled his pants down and laid over the bed in an uncomfortable looking way, in total surrender. I seriously had to refrain from laughing. I told him I needed to gather supplies and he could relax until I got back. When I returned, he was still in that awkward position, completely at my mercy. How many professions do you know of that you can tell a stranger to drop his pants and he does it without question?

Truth

Let me tell you the truth... I am so sheltered from what goes on everyday. I feel like I'm as far away from the war as I can be while actually being in Afghanistan. People die everyday in the ER, the OR, and the ICU. Back on the ward, we have all the stable, talking patients. By the time they get to us, their wounds are in nice clean dressings. Death is so close to me everyday, but I never see it. I don't see the kid's chest opened or the boots taken off what meat was left on his feet. I just hear stories day after day, not understanding why I'm never a part of the story. I'm sure you all think I'm crazy, that I should be grateful for being so shielded from the horror others see everyday, but I'm not. I wan't to experience it, I want to grieve, I want to share the burden, I want to see the whole picture.
I'm also frustrated because all the things that people around me are overly concerned with, it all seems so petty. I don't give a shit who's way is "better", just pick a way and do it, stop arguing. I don't care if you have the difficult patient today, suck it up. Stop coming to me and telling me how my American colleagues are documenting incorrectly, go freaking tell them yourself. Unfortunately, the little stupid stuff only goes away when people are actually busy. It sucks that I'm wishing we were busier.

Ramp Ceremony

I closed my eyes and for a moment I was at the bay, the cool breeze against my cheek. My eyes focused in on the barbed wire in the distance and the feeling of being at the bay disappeared. I was on a flight line, I was in Afghanistan. There were soldiers lined up for a quarter of a mile in two lines, I was somewhere toward the end of the line, it was dark and silent. We started moving, I walked the pace of the person in front of me. We are now formed up on either side of the plane, ramp down, American flag hanging inside. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and was at the bay again, cool breeze blowing, silent. As the the casket was carried down the middle of us and up the ramp into the plane, the silence was broken by a few quiet sniffles from the tough marines in front of me. Was this his buddy? Was that his squad leader over there? I wonder what number this is for his commander. I wonder where his wife is right now, and how she's going to tell the kids. I closed my eyes one more time, this time to prevent the tears, and swallowed with effort. It was over and we were walking back to the bus, people were chatting. I started doing the math in my head of how much weight I've lost. 4 kg x 2.2, I've lost 8.8lbs, not bad. Just like that, a man honored for a few moments, and then my mind was busy again.

Almost a month down

And I'm already understanding exhausted. I'm trying not to complain, but my body is just not getting used to this schedule, and the fact that I know I'll be working every day for the next 5 months is daunting. 7am - 7pm, then 7pm-7am the following day, then back to 7am-7pm and so forth. The emotional toll my work is having on me hit me the other day when I was journaling. My 15 year old patient was playing in the park when he stepped on and IED that blew both this legs off. He will never walk again because the guy two beds down was brainwashed so much that he thought planting that IED was the will of "Allah". Brainwashed, also, was the other 15 year old boy that was blown up by the IED he was placing and is now permanently paralyzed. And the soldiers... the IED that blew his legs up just got him a one way ticket home when the only thing in the world he wanted to do was finish this deployment with his unit. I spent a long while talking to one of the guys working at the detention center. You know what works best to "extract intel"? Treating them with respect. Yep, not torturing or confusing or creating fear, just being respectful. I'm telling you, those detainees look at me in shock as I wash their feet, they are so confused as to why we are taking care of them at all. Once they see that I'm not an enemy, I'm just a human being caring for another human being, they can't be shielded from the truth. I'm not an expert in politics but I've seen that this war isn't really America against Afghanistan or Coalition Forces against Terrorists, its good vs. evil. Good and evil are in us all, its a matter of which your loyalty is to and exposing the truth to those that can't see it for themselves.

Happy Halloween!