It seems silly to pick back up my deployment blog, as I have been home now for over 6 months. I guess the deployment is still affecting me in big ways.
You always hear people say: "I'm not the person I was before I left". I never thought I would feel that way, after all, I'm just me and will always be me. The truth is, I'm not the same person, and some days, I wish that I was. My biggest struggles are..
1. Understanding why God sometimes intervenes and sometimes doesn't.
2. Feeling like most of what I did in Afghanistan for the local population was in vain, and didn't change the ultimate outcome for them.
3. Not understanding what progress we made (if any) and how it was worth all the lives lost in the process.
4. Struggling to believe that my religion is right and all others are wrong.
5. Distinguishing between the Holy Spirit leading me a certain way vs. my own inclination to do something.
and last but not least
6. Accepting that I am not as strong or put together as I thought I was.
I guess I'll start with that. We'll see where this goes..
